**Algol:** Assembly language is too low-level. **Pascal:** Algol doesn't have enough data types.
**Modula:** Pascal is too wimpy for systems programming.
**Simula:** Algol isn't good enough at simulations. **Smalltalk:** Not everything in Simula is an object.
**Fortran:** Assembly language is too low-level.
**Cobol:** Fortran is scary.
**PL/1:** Fortran doesn't have enough data types.
**Ada:** Every existing language is missing something.
**Basic:** Fortran is scary.
**APL:** Fortran isn't good enough at manipulating arrays.
**J:** APL requires its own character set.
**C:** Assembly language is too low-level.
**C++:** C is too low-level.
**Java:** C++ is a kludge. And Microsoft is going to crush us.
**C#:** Java is controlled by Sun.
**Lisp:** Turing Machines are an awkward way to describe computation.
**Scheme:** MacLisp is a kludge.
**T:** Scheme has no libraries.
**Common Lisp:** There are too many dialects of Lisp.
**Dylan:** Scheme has no libraries, and Lisp syntax is scary.
**Perl:** Shell scripts/awk/sed are not enough like programming languages. **Python:** Perl is a kludge.
**Ruby:** Perl is a kludge, and Lisp syntax is scary.
**Prolog:** Programming is not enough like logic.